Official press release from UKB Records

Dear Balustrade fan,

Following in the footsteps of The Darkness, Roy Wood (of Wizzard fame) and the man once known as Harry Webb, UKB records are proud to announce the arrival of a seasonal masterpiece from the men they call Balustrade.

Released in a collector friendly ‘non-enhanced, CD only’ format, Balustrade Christmas is another tour de force from the West Country’s finest balladeering duo.

The inspirationally titled, Balustrade Xmas, is a continuation of the fine lyrical tradition demonstrated on the Stalisfield EP. The usual collection of insightful punning and witty couplets make this another fine addition to the Balustrade cannon.

Backed up by 2 reworkings of classic seasonal tunes, Balustrade have been inspired by Neil Young’s seminal work, Winterlong, and taken it gently in hand caressing and cajoling it’s melodic meaning into a shape that is was pure alt.westcountry. Last but by no means least, we get an exclusive insight into the studio environment that helps craft the Balustrade sound, thanks to the live rendition of Jingle Bells, (imaginatively re-titled as Jingley bells after legal consultation) which allows you the listener inside Balustrade’s inner ring, which, once you have entered, you will never be quite the same again.

Met with universal acclaim, Balustrade Christmas has been described as;

“Like Band Aid, but without the charity (or Dido!)” Gram Wilco, Uncut magazine

“The West country’s answer to Tenacious D have done it again. What ever talent they have, they should bottle and sell it in shops!” Gareth Sixtoe, Trowbridge Gazette

For more information on future UKB releases please form a band and send us your tape – we’ll publish anything, we even publish Balustrade!

To keep up to date with all the latest the continuing adventures of the Somerset’s finest songsters keep checking out http://balustrade.blogspot.com or email the boys directly at balustrade@hotmail.com They will endeavour to reply to each and every email they receive unless you are those people offering them a fake degree or an enhanced manhood in which case the cheque is already in the mail.

Happy listening,

Nigel “Pound” Yorkie
(Head of Talent Relations, UKB records)

Do YOU know it's Balustrade Christmas?

We've Finished!

The single is ready, has received a final mix and, as I write, is being pressed by a small team of marmasets forced into slavery when Lex managed to smuggle them out of Bristol Zoo last weekend. Marvelous.
Featuring Paul McCartney on Kazoo, Joss Stone on annoying warbling, Bob Gandalf on self-richeous pulpit, the whole thing was recorded with Lex and Carts be-decked in some hand-me-down Justin-from-the-Darkness Hawkins patented Spandex T**t Suits. Mmm.

"But Carter, my old friend, my old buddy, how, oh how can I gte my grubby little hands on this 'special' festive recording" I hear you cry

Fret not, my children, fret not. All of those considered 'special' enough by myself and Lex can wait for the CD to drop miraculously into their arms... (that means, if we've got your address, you're getting it...)

So, if you think we don't have your address - or that we've lost it after only vaguely remember having been given it whilst too busy losing all bodily control at a wedding - send a quick email to balustrade@hotmail.com giving me your address and I'll sort it out in a matter of moments.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

BREAKING NEWS

With the triumphant completion of the Balustrade xmas single still fresh in their minds, our mighty troubadours have been hit by a disaster that may affect the very future of the band itself. Like Jack White and Ryan Adams before him in 2004, Balustrade plucking supremo, El Cartino has suffered a debilitating finger injury (losing an argument with a particualry testy kitchen drawer) that has seen the cancellation of their christmas live dates.

Word is vague at the moment with only brief descriptions coming from the bed-ridden Mr Carter. All we know for sure that it is'icky' and that there is 'puss' involved. A squeamish Lex was asked to give comment when the news broke, but was only able to shudder and mutter incomprehensibly before passing out at the very mention of it. However when we caught up with him the following day day, he had this to say;

"We are not sure where this leaves Balustrade at the moment. Our first priority is to finish the final mix of the single and approve the artwork which we shot recently. However, there is a very real chance that he may never shape an F major 7th again which will mean we may have to learn a new one if we are intending to finish our debut album in 2005!"

Here at balustrade HQ we want to wish Matthew the best of luck in his recovery and hope that his plucking pinky is back to full working order soon. With a hectic Xmas festive season ahead we hope that this does not overshadow the imminent arrival of new balustrade material which, according to the boys, should be hitting the shops soon and is well worth the wait.